Having spent a year away when living in Germany and looking after my terminally ill friend following his death I lost my sense of identity…

For a year I was l like a robot, waking up and falling asleep to a nightmare which lasted 13 months…

Studying metabolic approach to tackle his illness, chatting with other ill patients, books authors, scientist and doctors from all over the world…Fighting the time when trying to stabilise an impossible disease…

Sadly having lost my friend in a tough battle I just want to know now what I should do next...How to rebuild life after such a traumatic event…How to raise myself when I feel like I failed him…

Needles to say the events of last year left me with a huge mental, emotional and physical drain. It was as if every month the wound was getting bigger and uglier and way beyond of fixing…

Finally the events of last month left me with adrenal fatigue manifesting itself with various skin related issues and weird pains…

My body was saying ‘enough’, screaming out for help in the time when neglecting it was the easiest option…

I became also a mess emotionally and mentally. The girl with an absolute memory and plan for everything stopped having either. It hurt as much as my friend decline and all his and my conditions altogether…

It has been a month since he felt asleep and I cant find my way forward…You know the moment when you wake up but feel NOTHING- the emotional numbness and anger are interchangeably consuming you…Your body aches yet you have no will to get up and walk or run…Your thoughts are spinning around like a satellite and you cant slow them down..You wish you had stopped overanalysing last months and moments with the person you lost…

Ways Ease Your Pains

When on a quest for finding my purpose again mindfulness, meditation and yoga were the first few things which calmed me down…Learning how to release tension through breathing sounds trivial yet is a really helpful tool…

Stiffness and neck pains are now somehow eased by tai chi.

Stress induced eczema is gone after discarding steroids from non holistically examining me dr and opting for a gluten free diet, limiting diary and supplementing myself with anti inflammatory supplements such as quercetin and omega 3. I found ashwagandha, tulsi and honokiol also helpful in calming down my nervous system.

Suddenly the dog is the bigger helper out of all…Walking her forces me to go out and be active for almost an hour…

Discovering journaling is another good activity on my way to a slow recovery.

Trying To Find Happiness Again…

I decided to create a bucket list as living so close to death made me realise how FRAGILE LIFE IS…We all make plans for tomorrow but how many of us are actually sticking to it, how many of us are focusing on making our lives better and more joyful? Becoming aware of living in a present moment yet planning amazing things for the future is going to give us some form of happiness. I remember a few years ago I came across this sentence:

‘ Happiness is to have somebody to love, something to do & something to look forward to’

Actually I found the original quotation on this subject, it comes from a Scottish writer Alexander Chalmers and reads:

‘The three grand essentials of happiness are: Something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for.’

I couldn’t agree more…

I just lost my best friend, someone I loved with my all heart…someone who was my hero…However I cant forget that there are still other people I love, so I need to live for them…

The other two parts are easy and I feel like the bucket list will help me to focus on something to look forward too.

Try Things, Love Them Or Hate Them, Then Repeat

I am a big believer that the above is ultimately the way how we are meant to discover our hidden passions & hobbies. That is how I realised I like motorcycling after many years of thinking that motorcyclist are organ donors…Well now the community has one more organ donor for sure ;-)

In a process of grieving after my friend loss and trying to reconnect with my-self I decided I need to try new things and also hope that maybe I will meet likeminded people in a process.

I believe life is about trying new things in order to become happier…

Each day is a struggle I won’t lie but stopping and focussing on now and planning actionable joyful moments in a future give me strength and hopefully help recover from the tough year I just had…

A 👩 version of Sheldon Cooper minus PhD in physics. R3&🐕 lover. WonderWoman, 🏍️girl & SEOgirl 🧙‍♀️Writing 4dreamers, doers &un-broken. Moneysavinggirl.co.uk

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